Listen
Listen
Listen to our WHOLE story
  as we are ready to tell it
non offending
Adult survivors of child abuse or
abuse in adulthood

one who was

sinned against

like the robed man
in the parable of the
Good samaritain
under construction

basic concepts:
  • we were overpowered by often by someone who had a duty of care towards us
  • there was a breach of trust
  • we were innocent kids 
  • our memories are real
  • our scars measurable
  • the effects observable
  • on a list of 1 to 10  forgiveness should be about 7,
             .premature forgiveness
              forced forgiveness is counter productive

  • overcomming denial and accepting what happened comes first

  • our horrable memories are locked away and we need time without pressure
  •     to release them one at a time as we are ready
  • maintain strong boundaries and spacial distance
  • keep the door open or definately unlocked
  • have us closest to the door with permission to
  •   walk out any time for a break
  • never discuss csa when you are driving a car
  • or alone in a building
  • resources are limited  but give what resources are available
  •             in writing
  • Pray for us ( if we are comfortable)
  • if the crime is unreported sugest a statement to the Police
  • suggest sexual assult counselling 
  • suggest talking to our Doctor  as there are sometimes medical issues
  • . please don't  leave it to the counsellors - we need ministry
  •     and Pastoral care as well
  • if you don't  know what to say - do research   and arrange a follow up  appointment
  • ring ahead to check that a service will help before passing on a phone book listing
  •      as many services don't live up to expectations
  •      some are outrightly dismissive
  • our trust was broken - please take this into consideration    it's part of post sexual violation condition
  • we may have dificulty verbalising our feelings or our needs
  • please be patient - we may have waited 20 - 40 years to disclose csa and reach out for help
  • as as child most likely we were unable to make sence of what was done to us
  • where we have moved away from our parents home on a luist of 1 to 10 mention reconciliation about 9
  •       please   do NOT send an adult survivor back into an abusive situation
  •       or to those who  failed to protect us  as it can have catestrophic consequences
  • there are fewer services for men than women
  • be compassionate  as in God's compassion
  • do not touch or give hugs unless you first ask permission
  • hugs must be side on
  • offer tea or coffee or a  hot chockolate  drink as its relaxing
  • small talk in a safe environment is therapudic  I am grateful to the Minister who gave me hospitality
  •      when I was at uni.   I felt safe.   I started to thaw out.

  • more later